Making it Work After an Affair

If you and your spouse have come back together after one of you has cheated there is going to be a lot of adjustment. If you are both committed to making the relationship work, it is possible to recover and have a better relationship than you did before the affair.  Of course, it is going to take some work and likely a lot of compromise to get your relationship back to where you want it to be.

The first thing you need to do is have a real heart to heart about what you want.  If one of you is not committed the relationship is not going to work.  Have an honest talk about whether one or both of you is just going through the motions or if you really want to make the relationship work.  This is basically an opportunity for one or both of you to get out of the relationship if you really want to.

Next, accept that there is going to be a time where the partner who was betrayed is going to have a lot of different emotions. One day they might be angry and the next day they’ll be really hurt and sad.  This is going to continue for awhile until they accept what has happened, which takes a different amount of time for everyone.

Be willing to have your every move watched.  Part of coming back together and earning the trust of one another back is being accountable.  This is especially true if you are the person who cheated.  You will need to be honest about where you are going and when you are going there, and with whom.  This will help to prove to one another that you are who you say you are and you’re doing what you say you are doing.

Get counseling if you need it.  A lot of people are not able to move past an affair without some help from a professional.  Do not be too proud to get help if you need it.  Your relationship is worth fighting for and often you cannot do it alone.  A professional can help you both understand what led up to the affair and where you go from here.

Be willing to forgive one another.  If you are not willing to move through the pain and forgive one another your relationship will not work.  It may be difficult to get to the point of forgiveness, but it is an essential part of making the relationship work.  Forgiveness will give way to a beautiful new life together.  If you make it to this point you will very likely find that your relationship is better than ever.

You need to be willing to pull out when it just isn’t working.  Many relationships just cannot recover from an affair and all of the betrayal that comes with it.  If things just keep getting worse as hard as you try, don’t be too proud to call it quits before you get hurt even more.

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