When You Find Out Your Spouse Has Been Cheating

Many of us assume that we know what it is going to feel like if our spouse cheats on us, but it is not until we are in that moment that we really understand how awful this can make us feel.  When you find out that your spouse has been cheating you may feel a mixture of emotions ranging from desperation, to sadness, to extreme anger.  You may experience these feelings one at a time or they may all be grouped together in a way that leaves you very confused and emotional.

When you find out that your spouse has been cheating the first thing you need to do is take a breath and just try to relax.  If you immediately begin to talk and make decisions you may say and do things that you regret.  For this reason, you should sit down and just think for at least 20 to 30 minutes, if not longer.  During this time remind yourself that this is not your fault and that it is your mate that did something wrong.

At this point, you need to talk to your spouse.  You need to confront them, if they don’t know that you already know, and let them know how you feel about their cheating ways.  Let them know how you feel in no uncertain terms.  Tell them how you found out and then give them a chance to apologize.  Let them know that there is no explanation for their behavior.

After you talk to your spouse you should ask them to leave your home for a few days, at the very least.  If they refuse to go, don’t fight with them, instead you should just get a few of your things and go stay with a friend or a family member.  You need to get some distance from your spouse and the situation so you can determine what your next course of action is.

When you have this time away you should think about how you feel and what you want to do.  Do you want to try to make things work?  Do you feel like you should just cut your losses and walk away?  While you are away you’ll be able to calm down a bit and you’ll have a chance to look at things as realistically as possible.  Make your decision about what you want to do, and then call your spouse and let them know what your plans are.

If you decide that you want to stay, you should be willing to do a lot of hard work.  You are going to continue to feel a wide array of emotions and you need to be prepared to deal with them.  You also may need to get professional help to help the both of you get over what allowed for your mate to cheat in the first place and move past the raw emotion that comes with getting past an affair.

If you are going to part ways, you need to be willing to make a clean break.  Divorcing or splitting up if you aren’t married takes work.  You should try to make things go as smoothly as possible and not get caught up in the bickering that often accompanies a break up.  If you are going to end it, allow it to end and just be done with it.

Signs Your Partner May be Cheating

Some estimates say as much as 75% of people have or will cheat on their spouse at some point in their relationship.  With odds like these, your chances of dealing with infidelity are pretty darn good.  There is no way to proof your marriage against it, but if you would rather not be surprised by the cheating ways of your spouse there are some signs that you can look for.

1. Your partner becomes secretive.  If you have always been open and honest with one another and suddenly your spouse is acting secretive you may have reason to worry.  People who are cheating often go to extreme measures to keep their affair a secret.

2. Your partner seems to pick fights.  Many people who are cheating want to make their relationship out to be bad so that they can justify to themselves why they are cheating.  If things aren’t good at home it’s a lot easier to run into the arms of another person.

3. They never let their phone leave their possession.  A lot of people who are cheating carry their cell phone with them everywhere so they can steal away and make phone calls to the person they are cheating with, or so that text messages do not get intercepted by anyone else.

4. Your spouse becomes much more distant.  You may find that times that you would have spent together in the past cannot be spent together now.  They may always have an excuse about why they can’t spend intimate time with you or why they are always checked out.

5. Your spouse may become a lot more attentive.  A lot of people who are cheating actually over compensate out of guilt.  If suddenly your spouse is waiting on you hand and foot and being a lot more attentive than usual, you may want to second guess their motives.  A lot of people hide their cheating ways behind a very attentive front.

These are just five of the most common signs that your spouse may be cheating.  Your spouse may behave in all of these ways, or they may simply only exhibit one or two of these signs.  Remember that just because your spouse does something similar to this once or twice doesn’t mean that they are cheating.  You need to just be aware of how your spouse is behaving and focus in on anything that seems out of the ordinary.  Only you know how your spouse generally acts, so you are the only one who can pick up on any of the subtle hints that are often given off by those that are cheating.  When you suspect something you can just watch and wait or you can confront your spouse, whatever you think would be best.

Exciting Ways to Propose

Many people propose during the holiday season but if you would like to do something a bit more exciting or just surprise your mate a bit more, there are a lot of great ideas where you can make the day so much more memorable.  Below you’ll find some great ways to propose to your mate that will leave them breathless.

1. If you both like sporting events, why not pay to have the message scroll across the screen at half time?  You can point to the sign, see if you can have the camera zoom in on you, and then get down on one knee.  This will totally blow your mate away and you will be able to start your engaged life together in front of an arena of people who are excited for you.

2. If you want something romantic and private, why not go on a hot air balloon ride and propose as you overlook the beautiful landscape below?  Think of proposing at sunset when the setting for the scene is just perfect and natural.  It can be just the two of you and the hot air balloon pilot that will share this moment and it will be something that you will look back on and smile about forever.

3. If a friend of yours is getting married, there is no better place to propose than at a wedding reception.  You should of course ask your friends first how they would feel about this, but if you get the green light go for it.  You can stand up and make a toast, and then before you sit down, ask the big question.  This will definitely blow your partner away!

4. Bring your mate lunch at work or with friends and then when they are least expecting it, you can drop on your knee in front of your friends and the world and surprise them by popping the question.  This is a great way to include your friends while surprising your mate.

5. Propose in the place that you first met.  If you can pull it off, arrange to visit the place that you first met or where you shared your first date.  Before you rush into it, get through an evening or afternoon and act if things are completely normal.  And then, when your mate has stopped wondering if something is up, you can then pop the question and totally surprise them and make it a wonderful memory.

As you can see, these are some exciting ways for you to propose to the person that you love!  You can choose something more extravagant such as proposing at a game or in a balloon, or just among friends and family.  You need to consider not only your comfort, but what your lover would want, too.

What Your Husband Sees: What Every Bride Should Know

It’s true that men are most definitely visual creatures and because of this women know that men like certain things in a woman’s appearance.  The problem is that most women are not sure what characteristics men care about and which they do not.  The fact of the matter is that men look at very little, but there are a couple things about a woman’s appearance that are important.

When you get married your husband likes your figure, or it would stand to reason that he does.  Many women are busy wondering what the future holds when they get married, but the best thing you can do is to maintain your figure.  This doesn’t mean that you always have to be the same weight that you are when you get married, but what it does mean is that you should always try to keep your figure in the same proportions as it is when you get married.  This will keep your husband happy and keep him thinking that you are the most beautiful woman in the world.

Another thing that you want to continue doing to keep your husband happy is dress in a manner that is appropriate.  While most men will not profess to be a fashion buff, they will be able to show you what they do and do not like in the way a woman dresses.  What a man wants is a woman who looks put together, or who looks as though they have taken some pride in their appearance.  Wear clothes that compliment your specific figure, and you’ll find that your husband thinks your as beautiful 30 years down the road as he did the day he married you.

While some men don’t care about how you wear your hair, many men like a woman who looks as feminine as possible, which means longer hair.  This is something that you need to think about and discuss, because you want to have your husband’s input but you also want to be free to do what you want with your hairstyle.  Just remember when making those choices that many men are very particular about how their women wear their hair.

You may be surprised to find that when your husband looks at you he doesn’t see a pricey manicure, he doesn’t notice your wrinkles, and he doesn’t notice if you gain a few pounds.  In fact, most men won’t even notice rock hard abs, or a lack thereof.  The typical guy really just wants a woman who works to look good, but not look fake.  This is good news for most women out there, because it goes to show that you don’t have to spend all of your time in the bathroom prepping for your man, instead you can simply pick the right clothes and make sure you stay healthy!

How to Get Over Your Ex

Moving on after a relationship can be tough.  If you’re feeling down in the dumps and you give into it, it can be even more difficult to move on because you live and breathe the break up.  Instead of feeling sorry for yourself for weeks or months and not taking action, there are some simple things that can help you move past your ex and the relationship you shared and into your future.

First and foremost, don’t just think about the good times. When we break up with someone we have a tendency to just remember the good things about them and the great times we shared together.  Don’t build the person or your relationship into something that it wasn’t, this will just make it more difficult to move past the relationship.

Ask your ex to tell you how they really feel about you and your relationship.  Many times it is hurtful but helpful when you know that there is no chance that the two of you will be together again.  It hurts to have someone tell you that they don’t love you, but sometimes it is necessary to really get closure and begin to move onto the next phase in your life.

Don’t get in touch with your ex.  If you call them and try to involve them in your life it is just going to make it more difficult.  Don’t call your ex and don’t accept their phone calls.  Don’t ask them back and don’t entertain the idea of being asked back.  Just cut off all communication and make that clean break, it will be difficult but in the end you will be better served to just stop talking.

The best thing that you can do when you have feelings you are not sure that your ex will understand, you should write it all down on paper.  Get all of your feelings out that express hurt, anger, sadness, and regret. Really put it all out there, leave nothing inside.  You should address it to them and then throw it away, burn it, shred it, do anything but send it.

Don’t go to the places where you know that your ex will be.  This can be difficult if you work together, but if you know that your ex and his or her friends hang out at the same place every Friday night, don’t go there.  You’ll just make the clean break more difficult and you’ll also look desperate.  Just steer clear of where you know that they will be.  It just makes sense.

Take down the pictures.  Having pictures all over the place that show the two of you together in better times will only make moving on harder.  You don’t have to throw them away, but you should definitely pack them away for at least six months.  Put them in storage or at a friends house if you don’t trust yourself.  When you take back your space you’ll find that you really can breathe easier.

Dealing with a Depressed Spouse

Depression is something that most people deal with from time to time.  Some people come in and out of it naturally with the highs and lows of life while other people feel low and cannot seem to get out of that depressive rut.  Dealing with a depressed lover is hard work, but there are some things that you can do to help them climb out of the dark hole that they are in.

Give them some time to see if they will move past the depression on their own.  A lot of people feel depression from time to time, but normal depression does not last longer than 10 to 14 days.  If it lasts longer than this, you may need to start watching your loved one a little bit more closely.

Try talking to them.  Many times people who are depressed just need someone to listen to them about the way that they are feeling.  Ask them how they are feeling; prompt them with questions about what is depressing them, if they know.  Just get them engaged and talking, many times this is all they need.

Call in reinforcements.  Sometimes someone will respond well when everyone rallies around them.  Call friends to come over, see if you can get your lover’s friends to call them up and take them out.  Time with friends is often the best therapy.

Get them dressed. If someone is depressed and just hangs out every day in their pajamas and doesn’t get dressed, change up their routine.  Let them know that you want to take them to dinner and that they need to be dressed at a specific time.  Do this a couple times a week, not giving them an option.  They may find that the old routines of getting up and moving around snap them out of the depression and they may get back to their former self a lot more quickly.

Buy them books about depression.  Or, if they are suffering because of a specific situation, buy them books on that topic or suggest that they go to a support group.  It can be very helpful to read the experiences of others who have experienced similar circumstances, especially when they are sharing a story of overcoming their dire circumstances.

Get them to seek professional help.  Sometimes you just cannot get someone out of their depression on their own and you need to call in professional reinforcements.  Don’t force the help on them, unless necessary, instead just try to gently push them in that direction. Hopefully they will follow your lead and get the help that they need before it gets any worse.  Depression is a normal part of life, but after two weeks it is no longer normal and can negatively impact life.

When You’re Married to Someone with an Anger Problem

We all deal with our emotions a bit differently, but when you are married to someone who doesn’t deal with his or her anger well it can be a very frightening thing.  Even if they do not hit you or hurt you physically, when you are with someone who does not control their anger well it can be intimidating and definitely unsettling.  There are some things that you can do to encourage your spouse to deal with their anger in a more constructive manner.

1. Don’t fight back.  If they are going on and on, screaming and yelling, breaking things, or just making you feel badly when they are angry, back down.  When you yell back or you respond in a heightened manner you are just feeding the frenzy. Be calm and wait for them to behave rationally before you try to reason with them. 
2. Don’t ignore them.  If you ignore someone who is angry you are likely to make them more agitated and then the anger could become directed at you.  Instead, respond calmly and in a very straight forward but kind manner.  This will help to bring them back down to a normal functioning level and will hopefully dissolve the anger a bit.
3. Try to stop the build up.  When you are married to someone who doesn’t deal well with anger you may be able to see when they are getting worked up and you could try to intervene before the anger hits the red zone.  Try to give other options or help them to overcome the issue at hand.
4. Encourage them to get professional help.  Many people are very receptive to this idea when it comes from someone that they love.
5. Tell them that you cannot continue to live in such a volatile state, that they need to learn how to control their anger.  Many times people who have anger problems don’t realize how much their anger affects the people in their life.  Make them aware of your issues and see if this doesn’t cause them to rein their anger in a bit.

As you can see, there are some things that you can try to do to help when you are married to someone who has an anger problem.  You can try to help, but remember at the end of the day that the problem is your spouse’s to deal with and you need to decide if the problem continues what you will do.  Being married to someone who cannot control their anger can be scary, irritating, anxiety provoking, and even embarrassing.  Help if you can, but don’t settle for feeling this way.

The Question of Kids

Are you married and you and your spouse have been going back and forth about having children.  This is a point of contention in a lot of relationships and if this subject has been broached in your relationship you should deal with it head on.  Many people try to skirt around the issue and this is never effective.  You just need to talk about it when it comes up, express how you feel, and then go from there, this will save you both time and energy later on down the road.

Hopefully before you got married you talked about whether or not you both wanted to have children.  If you did, you may just need to talk about when you want to have children.  If you didn’t talk about kids before the marriage you should spend some time talking about it now so you can ensure that you are on the same page before you proceed any further into the marriage.

If one of you is ready to have kids, you need to be aware that both of you may not be ready.  Just because one person is ready for the responsibility, it doesn’t mean that both people are.  If you are the one who is ready to have kids, you may need to be patient until your spouse catches up with you.  Ask them to be honest with you about when they think they will be ready to have kids, if ever.

You also need to be prepared for the person to say that they don’t want to have kids, if you never talked about it before you got married.  Is this a deal breaker for you?  Will you be able to stay in the relationship and be happy if your spouse doesn’t want to have kids and you do?  Will you grow to resent them?  These are questions that you need to ask yourself to be sure that you are in the right relationship to get what you want from life.

The question of kids comes up in most relationships.  It is a good idea to talk about this before you get married, but you need to keep in mind that people’s opinions and ideas change all the time.  The timing may just be off for one person when the other is ready, or someone may change their mind about having kids at all.  At this point you need to decide if you can stay together without the desire for children being met.  Hopefully you can come together and make some decisions that will make you both happy while being true to yourselves and one another.  Kids are a big deal, it’s not a decision that you should take lightly or be talked into.

Turn Your Spouse into Your Best Friend

Many people feel a disconnect with their spouse, but you don’t need to feel this.  You can turn your spouse into your best friend, it will just take a bit of work.  If you feel as though you and your spouse have grown apart and there is nothing that you can do about the distance, you’re wrong!  You can turn things around and turn your spouse into more than the person that you are married to, you can turn them into your best friend.

The first thing you need is a desire to change the way things are.  If you find that you just don’t talk and enjoy the company of your spouse anymore, if you want to change it you need to be willing to put forth the time and effort.  Having the desire to change things is half the battle, when you have the desire you have the power to change just about everything about the way that you and your spouse interact.

If you want to turn your spouse into your best friend, you need to be willing to talk to them.  Tell them about what you are looking forward to, what you dream of, and what you want from life.  Encourage them to share these things with you, as well.  This talking about the future and your dreams will remind you of times past, like when you first got together, which will make you feel closer and will reignite the spark that existed between the two of you in the beginning of your relationship.

Laugh together.  Laughter really is the best medicine and this is not only true for the individual but also relationships.  When you are able to laugh together you will suddenly feel more connected than ever before.  Watch funny movies, recall favorite memories, and just share funny things that come up in your every day life.  You’ll find that laughing together really is more enjoyable than laughing alone and it will make you fast friends again.

Hold hands.  Practice little physical touches that are not sexual in nature but mean a lot. Hold hands when you walk into a store or the movie theatre, rub one another’s back as you walk by, kiss them on the cheek during the middle of watching television, and rest your hand on their knee.  These little touches mean the most and many people forget about them as their relationship ages and it takes them from being best friends to relative strangers.

As you can see, reconnecting and making your spouse your best friend can be easier than you would have ever thought.  You just need to be committed to making it work and you need to keep up these things.  Your spouse can be your best friend, you just need to let them in and also encourage them to let you in.

Preparing as a Couple for Holiday Parties

Holiday parties can be a source of joy as well as a source of tension and even the cause of hurt feelings and arguments for couples.  That is why it is important to plan ahead for them so that you both have expectations and limits that are known and accepted by both of you.  Many times when you prepare for the holiday parties in advance you will have more fun and get more out of them as a couple than you would have otherwise.  Holiday parties can be a lot of fun if you allow for them to be!

First and foremost, talk about what holiday parties you have been invited to and who will be going to what.  You should decide right away that you don’t necessarily have to make a showing at all of the parties together.  There may be one or two parties that you each go to on your own, or you may decide as a couple that you would like to go to them all together.  Regardless, make sure that you talk about who will be going to what so it isn’t a source of tension later on.

Talk about expectations while you are at the parties.  There may be some parties where one of you is more comfortable than the other one.  What do you expect your spouse to do to make you more comfortable?  Would you like them to stay by your side the whole time?  Introduce you to the other people at the party?  Talk about this before hand so you don’t have any moments of tension caused by one person not doing what the other person needs or wants them to do.   When you talk about this before hand you’ll understand what is expected or wanted of you, which will help immensely.

Talk about limitations.  How many drinks do you think that the both of you should have?  Does your mate tend to get a little too touchy feely every year? Set the boundaries and limitations so you can both enjoy the parties safely and without becoming angry or hurt at the actions of the other person.  Also decide before you go out to the parties who will be driving home that night, so they can plan ahead and only have a drink or two or not drink at all so you can get home safely from the parties.

When you talk about parties in advance you can get a lot of things out in the open.  If behaviors from the previous year left you feeling a bit irritated or hurt, voice them now so that your partner can hopefully avoid them this year.  By being open and honest you can both enjoy the holiday season more and more with each passing year.  If you don’t plan ahead, you may find that things are not any more enjoyable than they were last year!