When You’re Stuck in a Sexless Marriage

If you and your partner are not having sex and haven’t been having sex for long periods of time you are not alone.  In fact, statistics show that as many as one in five couples have gone 30 days or more without having sex, and some go for even longer periods.  This can be very confusing and frustrating, especially if you once had a sexually active marriage and suddenly you just stop having sex.  Many people worry that the relationship is failing, that their partner doesn’t find them attractive, and they even question their own feelings for their partner.  Sex is an important part of a relationship, so when you aren’t having sex it can impact every area of your life.

If you find yourself in a sexless marriage you should:

1. Talk to your partner.  One of the worst things you can do is just ignore the problem or not talk to your spouse about what is going on.  Your sexual relationship is something that exists between the two of you, so the only other person who can help you fix your sexual relationship is the person that you are married to.  It may be uncomfortable to talk about the issues that are impacting your sex life, but it is an essential first step to changing your sex life.

2. Read books, take courses, and even go to groups that will help you learn more about sex, fulfilling your partner, and how you can have a fulfilling sex life.  Often when you start reading books and learning things about making sex work in a marriage it will be a lot easier to understand where things went wrong, what you can do to get them back on track, and how you can begin to enjoy sex with your partner again.

3. If you have tried to employ what you have learned through books and courses and it has not worked, you may want to consider marriage counseling.  There are a lot of people who need the help of a counselor to move past issues that are keeping them from having the kind of sex that both they and their partner would like to have.  Talking to someone may seem uncomfortable and embarrassing in the beginning, but it can help you start having a great sexual relationship with the person that you are married to.

4. Don’t think you can’t have or aren’t entitled to sex within your marriage.  Sex is a human need and it is not something that you should assume that you can just do without.  You shouldn’t feel badly for wanting to have sex, instead you should come to an understanding with your mate about what you both want and need.

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