When You’re Married to Someone with an Anger Problem
We all deal with our emotions a bit differently, but when you are married to someone who doesn’t deal with his or her anger well it can be a very frightening thing. Even if they do not hit you or hurt you physically, when you are with someone who does not control their anger well it can be intimidating and definitely unsettling. There are some things that you can do to encourage your spouse to deal with their anger in a more constructive manner.
1. Don’t fight back. If they are going on and on, screaming and yelling, breaking things, or just making you feel badly when they are angry, back down. When you yell back or you respond in a heightened manner you are just feeding the frenzy. Be calm and wait for them to behave rationally before you try to reason with them.
2. Don’t ignore them. If you ignore someone who is angry you are likely to make them more agitated and then the anger could become directed at you. Instead, respond calmly and in a very straight forward but kind manner. This will help to bring them back down to a normal functioning level and will hopefully dissolve the anger a bit.
3. Try to stop the build up. When you are married to someone who doesn’t deal well with anger you may be able to see when they are getting worked up and you could try to intervene before the anger hits the red zone. Try to give other options or help them to overcome the issue at hand.
4. Encourage them to get professional help. Many people are very receptive to this idea when it comes from someone that they love.
5. Tell them that you cannot continue to live in such a volatile state, that they need to learn how to control their anger. Many times people who have anger problems don’t realize how much their anger affects the people in their life. Make them aware of your issues and see if this doesn’t cause them to rein their anger in a bit.
As you can see, there are some things that you can try to do to help when you are married to someone who has an anger problem. You can try to help, but remember at the end of the day that the problem is your spouse’s to deal with and you need to decide if the problem continues what you will do. Being married to someone who cannot control their anger can be scary, irritating, anxiety provoking, and even embarrassing. Help if you can, but don’t settle for feeling this way.