Making it Work with a Sex Addict
There is nothing worse than finding out that your spouse has cheated on you, but it is a whole different type of disappointment when you find out that they have been with several people because they are a sex addict. There is a hopeless feeling that comes with being married to an addict, but the hopelessness is even more intense when the actions of your spouse can put you in danger not only mentally but physically. Yet, a lot of people are able to make it work despite the sex addiction.
The first step to making it work is to get everything out on the table. Let your spouse know that you need them to tell you everything that they have done so that you can begin to process the extent of the damage that has been done to your relationship, as well as the extent of their addiction. Tell them that in return you will put the way that you feel and your feelings about the whole situation on the table. This will allow you to both feel as though you both know everything and then you can move forward from a place that you both understand.
The next thing you need to do is get your spouse into counseling. Sex addiction is not something that is going to go away on it’s own. Instead, the addict needs to get involved in a support system of other people who are also sex addicts and are trying to overcome the hold that the addiction has on their life. Getting your spouse into counseling is important and chances are you will not succeed without him or her getting the individual help that they need.
You also need to get couples counseling. When you are married to a sex addict it will change your relationship when you find out all of the things that they have done. Resentment, anger, sadness, and betrayal are common feelings and if left unchecked they can lead to the end of what was otherwise a good relationship. Recovering from the revelation that your spouse is a sex addict is difficult, so should definitely seek the support of a professional.
Don’t keep it a secret. You don’t have to go running from house to house on your street telling friends that your spouse is a sex addict, but you should feel free to lean on friends for support. You may be embarrassed to admit it, but sharing the reality of who you are married to will help you come to terms with it, as well. You may not be able to make the relationship work, so you’ll need your friends and family to understand what you are going through as much as possible.